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20 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU THINK YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.

Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself.  And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking.  Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself.  I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it.

I’m sure you can relate.  We’ve all been there.  We all have bad days and moments of self-doubt.

Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re just “not good enough.”  Angel and I hear about this kind of self-defeating mindset from our coaching clients and blog subscribers on a daily basis, and like I said, we aren’t immune either.

So what can we do about it?

Here’s how I handle it: Every time I catch myself thinking I’m not good enough, I immediately write down an opposing thought that debunks my negativity.  I’ve been doing this for the past several years and it’s made a tremendous difference in my life.  I challenge you to do the same.

If you need a little extra inspiration, here are some things I’ve come up with – 20 good reminders when you’re feeling “not good enough”:

  1. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.– YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.   Forget what everyone else is doing and achieving.  Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.
  2. Where you are right now is a necessary step.– Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be or want to be.  But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
  3. Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually.– When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Pain is part of growing.  Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
  4. It is your resistance to “what is” that causes your suffering.– Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.”  “What is” is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.  Think about that for a minute.  This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are.  You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.  In your response is your power.
  5. Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.– Choose to be miserable and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be miserable.  Choose to be peaceful and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be at peace.  Think about it.  Are you skilled at making yourself miserable?  With those same skills you can make yourself motivated, effective and fulfilled.  Do so.
  6. You are always good enough to try, and that’s what’s important in the end.– Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt.  Make the attempt.  Trust me, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do.  Give yourself a chance.
  7. There’s always something small you can do.– There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from moving forward, one tiny step at a time.  Remember, vision without action is just a daydream; vision must be combined with venture.  It is not enough to stare up the steps, you must step up the stairs.  And all you have to do is take one step at a time.  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.  Tiptoe if you must, but take that step.
  8. Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned.– No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence.  Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.
  9. Yesterday’s impossibilities may be possible today.– Experience is the hardest kind of teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson afterward.  But this is really a blessing.  It means you’re growing stronger and more capable with every passing day.  So don’t you dare give up on today because of the way things looked yesterday.  Don’t even think about it.
  10. What “might happen” can only stop you if you let it.– Rather than worrying about what might happen, move forward and use your energy and intelligence to deal with what does actually happen.
  11. The quality of your vision drives the quality of your life.– It’s up to you how you visualize things and what you focus on.  Forget what you don’t like.  Focus on what excites you.  If you see a possibility, explore it.  If you have a dream, live it.  Those who are passionate and excited about what they’re doing have an advantage that is nearly impossible to conquer.  Be one of these people. (Read Mindset.)
  12. You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first.– Stop listening to what the world says you should want.  Start listening to who you are.  Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.
  13. What you’re capable of achieving is greatly based on how much you want it.– When it means enough to you, then you can do it.  When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time.  Success is neither magical nor mysterious.  Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want.  The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding.
  14. Your best bet is to give yourself no other choice.– It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.  In fact, achievement consists mostly of giving yourself no other choice.  You are more than good enough; you just have to own it – you have to own everything you are and everything you’re up against.  If you believe your troubles are too powerful, then you’ll never allow yourself to rise above them.  Stop fretting.  Quit worrying.  Don’t complain.  You know what you must do.  So do it.
  15. You have to work hard on yourself too.– Self-respect, self-love, self-worth… there’s a reason they all start with “self.”  You can’t receive them from anyone else.  Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself.  Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends.  It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value.  And this responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you; it means learning to use your own brains and intuition to make things happen – hence, grappling with hard work.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
  16. You are stronger than whatever is troubling you.– Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before.  When something bad happens, you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you.  The choice is yours.  So pump yourself up!  You are a lot stronger than you think you are.  You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come.  Celebrate the fact that you’re not where you used to be.
  17. For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else.– Appreciate what you have today.  Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.  No regrets, just lessons.  No worries, just acceptance.  No expectations, just gratitude.  Life is too short.  The story of your life has many chapters.  One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end.  So stop re-reading the bad one already, and turn the page.
  18. You have made the best of some tough situations.– Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy with everything.  Sometimes it just means you’re strong and smart enough to accept it and make the best of it.
  19. Your scars are symbols of your strength.– Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph.  So don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
  20. You are still here trying.– If you have no other testimony right now, you have this one: “I’m still here trying.”  Be positive, patient and persistent.  The more you feel like quitting, the more there is to be gained by continuing to do all three.  Because the strongest people aren’t the people who always win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.

AFTER THOUGHTS

The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.  These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom.  People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.

And you’re getting there.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

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10 Things To Remember About Toxic Family Members

Family is supposed to be our safe haven.  Sometimes, however, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.

Letting go of (or breaking up with) a toxic friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing, but what about letting go of a toxic family member?10-toxic-family-members

Most of us are not in a position to just walk away, nor do we feel that we want to, or that it’s the right thing to do.  So what do we do when a family member is literally spoiling our lives with their toxicity?  How do we deal with our feelings of obligation, confusion, betrayal and heartache?

First and foremost, you must accept the fact that not everyone’s family is healthy or available for them to lean on, to call on, or to go home to.  Not every family tie is built on the premise of mutual respect, love and support.  Sometimes “family” simply means that you share a bloodline.  That’s all.  Some family members build us up and some break us down.

Second, you must understand that a toxic family member may be going through a difficult stage in their lives.  They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support.  Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their troubles, you may still need to protect yourself from their toxic behavior).

The key thing to keep in mind is that every case of dealing with a toxic family member is a little different, but in any and every case there are some universal principles we need to remember, for our own sake:

  1. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they’re not the right person to be spending time with every day. – Not all toxic family relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose.  Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.  You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else.  You have to make your well-being a priority.  Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.
  2. Toxic people often hide cleverly behind passive aggression. – Passive aggressive behavior takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior.  Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you.  Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting them, they find small and petty ways to take jabs at you until you pay attention and get upset.  This is obviously a toxic relationship situation.  It shows this person is set on not communicating openly and clearly with you.  Keep in mind that most sane human beings will feel no reason to be passive-aggressive toward you if they feel safe expressing themselves.  In other words, they won’t feel a need to hide behind passive aggression if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for what they are thinking.  So make it clear to your family members that you accept them for who they are, and that they aren’t necessarily responsible or obligated to your ideas and opinions, but that you’d love to have their support.  If they care about you, they will likely give it, or at least compromise in some way.  And if they refuse to, and continue their passive aggression, you may have no choice but to create some of that space discussed in point
  3. They will try to bully you into submission if you let them. – We always hear about schoolyard bullies, but the biggest bullies are often toxic family members.  And bullying is never OK.  Period!  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand up for yourself.  Don’t give them leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.  It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your family and friends.  Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places.  Be cognizant of how the people closest to you treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them – whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.
  4. Pretending their toxic behavior is OK is NOT OK. – If you’re not careful, toxic family members can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric.  Don’t be fooled.  Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this.  Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing.  Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior.  Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence.  Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.  If someone in your family over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable, respectful adult on a regular basis, it’s time to speak up and stand your ground.
  5. You do not have to neglect yourself just because they do.Practice self-care every day.  Seriously, if you’re forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure you get enough alone time to rest and recuperate.  Having to play the role of a ‘focused, rational adult’ in the face of toxic moodiness can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, the toxicity can infect you.  Toxic family members can keep you up at night as you constantly question yourself: “Am I doing the right thing?  Am I really so terrible that they despise me so much?  I can’t BELIEVE she did that!  I’m so hurt!!” Thoughts like these can keep you agonizing for weeks, months, or even years.  Sometimes this is the goal of a toxic family member, to drive you mad and make you out to be the crazy one.  Because oftentimes they have no idea why they feel the way they do, and they can’t see beyond their own emotional needs… hence their relentless toxic communication and actions.  And since you can’t control what they do, it’s important to take care of yourself so you can remain centered, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of negativity when you must –mindfulness, meditation, prayer and regular exercise work wonders!
  6. If their toxic behavior becomes physical, it’s a legal matter that must be addressed. – If you’ve survived the wrath of a physical abuser in your family, and you tried to reconcile things… If you forgave, and you struggled, and even if the expression of your grief had you succumb to outbursts of toxic anger… If you spent years hanging on to the notions of trust and faith, even after you knew in your heart that those beautiful intangibles, upon which love is built and sustained, would never be returned… And especially, if you stood up as the barrier between an abuser and someone else, and took the brunt of the abuse in their place… You are a HERO!  But now it’s time to be the hero of your future.  Enough is enough!  If someone is physically abusive, they are breaking the law and they need to deal with the consequences of their actions.
  7. Although it’s hard, you can’t take their toxic behavior personally. – It’s them, not you.  KNOW this.  Toxic family members will likely try to imply that somehow you’ve done something wrong.  And because the ‘feeling guilty’ button is quite large on many of us, even the implication that we might have done something wrong can hurt our confidence and unsettle our resolve.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Remember, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.  Most toxic people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with.  Even when the situation seems personal – even if you feel directly insulted – it usually has nothing to do with you.  What they say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.
  8. Hating them for being toxic only brings more toxicity into your life. – As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”  Regardless of how despicable a family member has acted, never let hate build in your heart.  Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more.  When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself.  Hateful grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are strong enough and smart enough to move on.  After all, the best revenge is to be unlike the person who hurt you.  The best revenge is living well, in a way that creates peace in your heart.
  9. People can change, and some toxic family relationships can be repaired in the long run. – When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every family relationship at some point, it’s essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth.  In fact, it’s at this time, when it feels like the solid bedrock of your relationship has crumbled into dust, that you’re being given an opportunity to shed the patterns and dynamics with each other that haven’t been serving you.  It’s painful work and a painful time, and the impulse will be walk away, especially if you believe that broken trust cannot be repaired.  But if you understand that trust levels rise and fall over the course of a lifetime you’ll be more likely to find the strength to hang in, hang on, and grow together.  But it does take two.  You can’t do it alone.
  10. Sadly, sometimes all you can do is let go for good. – All details aside, this is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things toxic family members do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions continuously invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.  In a perfect world we would always be able to fix our relationships with toxic family members, but as you know the world isn’t perfect.  Put in the effort and do what you can to keep things intact, but don’t be afraid to let go and do what’s right for YOU when you must.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

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5 Ways to Stop Anxiety

If this describes you, anxiety and excessive caution may be getting in your way, stopping you from going after your dreams and living a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Avoidance feeds on itself and makes you less confident, while getting started and taking action creates a positive cycle that naturally helps your anxiety go down.

But where do you begin? These 5 strategies provide a roadmap for moving forward and taking the first step towards the life you long for:

1. Don’t Wait for Your Anxiety to Fade

Your anxiety is likely wired in as part of your temperament and won’t just vanish on its own. Our brains are hard-wired not to like uncertainty, unpredictability, and change—and some of us are just anxiety-prone by nature. However, when you take action towards your goals despite your anxiety—and then actually survive the experience—your brain begins to label uncertainty as less dangerous. Over time, you build a sense of self-efficacy—you begin to see yourself as someone who can take action and be successful even when you’re feeling anxious.

2. Set a Realistic Goal

We don’t all want (or need) to be lawyers, or to have hundreds of friends, or run marathons, be super-skinny, or live in a mansion. Anxiety makes you see yourself as less talented, lovable or competent than others. But when you think of moving forward, if you don’t really know yourself, you may set a goal to be just like a friend or neighbor—to do what appears socially acceptable or what it seems others expect of you. It’s hard to remain committed and follow through on difficult long-term goals, especially if you’re not really passionate about the activity. Rather than thinking about what you “should” be doing, take a look inside and ask yourself what you really want. Perhaps you are a creative person, or want to travel, have life balance, live healthier, or find a caring partner. Whatever it is, figure out the easiest thing you can do to get started. Phrase your goal specifically: I’ll walk for 20 minutes three times next week. You can’t climb a mountain all at once and you’re more likely to achieve your goal with intrinsic (coming from the inside)motivation than when you’re just trying to please others.how-to-stop-anxiety11

3. Trust the Process

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” But even if you don’t have faith to begin with, faith will come if you just take that first step. The more you take action, the more likely you are to have some success and begin to trust yourself, the process, and the universe. The same applies to other aspects of life—starting a new job, launching a project, seeking a relationship, etc.

4. Curb the Catastrophizing

Anxious people tend to focus on what could go wrong and on how bad it would be if they took a risk and got a negative outcome. What if you went on a date and the person turned out to be a jerk—or they were great, but they never called you back? What if you invested in a new business and it didn’t work out, or if you applied for a job and didn’t get it? What if you changed jobs because you were miserable and found yourself in a worse situation? While you wouldn’t want these outcomes, how bad are they really? Couldn’t you survive them? Do you have coping skills you could draw on, or could you just try again and take a different approach next time? I’ll bet you could.  Anxiety makes you overestimate the risks of taking action, but what are the risks of staying stuck in a bad situation? You could eventually regret even more not even trying to go after a dream.

5. Be Your Own Cheerleader, Not Your Critic

Going after your dreams is tough and you will inevitably face obstacles and failures along the way. But you don’t need to make these barriers worse by beating up on yourself every time you try something that doesn’t turn out perfectly. Many of life’s important outcomes have an element of luck or uncertainty. We can control what we do, but we can’t control market forces or what other people decide. You may speak up for yourself and get criticism and push back, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. Our brains naturally go to the negative because they are protection-focused, rather than promotion-focused. To overcome this bias, you need to deliberately focus on the positives in a situation. Honor yourself for taking a risk, leaning into your discomfort, or just showing up when you really wanted to curl up on the couch at home. You can’t control the outcomes, so praise yourself for putting in the effort and you’ll continue to stay motivated!

Getting rid of your anxiety is difficult but not impossible, you can choose to move ahead and take constructive action despite your anxiety, building resilience and self-confidence along the way, and opening up new possibilities for a productive and meaningful life. It isn’t easy, but it is definitely worth the effort.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

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9 Different ways NLP can help You

Have you ever wondered how NLP could help you or someone you care about ? Here are 9 very broad areas where NLP can help you achieve the outcomes you desire in your life. Why not book a session or or drop me an email with your questions.

  1. NLP can help you heal from emotional wounds that are in your subconscious from childhood.

  2. NLP can eliminate Anger, Sadness, Fear, Shame and Guilt.

  3. NLP can clear out Phobias, Anxiety and Panic.

  4. NLP can help eliminate bad habits such as Abusive Relationships, Drugs, smoking and Food issues.

  5. NLP can help clear medical issues; most medical issues have a psychological component.

  6. NLP can help you reach your full potential in school. Eliminate test anxiety.

  7. NLP can help you reach your personal best in sports; I have personally helped Ice Skaters, runners, golfers and Horseback Riders.

  8. NLP can help all business people; it can eliminate fears and program a goal that a person may want.

  9. NLP can help a person attract their soul mate; first we eliminate anything that has been stopping them, then we hone in on the kind of person they may want, and then program it to happen.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

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How to Stop Overthinking Everything

stop overthinking

How to Stop Overthinking Everything

What is holding you back from the life that you truly want to live?

One very common and destructive thing is over thinking every situation, wanting it to be an exact way before you are happy, being a perfectionist. This article will help you stop overthinking.

stop overthinking
stop overthinking

If you overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier than it actually is Or Overthink positive things in your life until they don’t look so positive anymore. You will find it very difficult to move forward in your life.

Thinking before you act is a good thing don’t get me wrong but when you spend your time running every scenario and don’t actually get things done then that’s bad, It can result in you becoming someone who stands still in life someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.

Below are 5 techniques that you can use to change this way of thinking and live a happier and less fearful life.

  1. Put things into a wider perspective.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life. So when you have a circling thought playing over and over in your mind ask yourself:

Will this matter to me in 10 years? Or even in 10 weeks?

You may have heard people say “We will laugh at this in years to come” why wait ? Laugh about it today.

  1. Set short time-limits for decisions.

If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can put it off forever you just keep running made up scenarios in your mind. You cant tell the future. Remember if you don’t ask the answer is always No, if you don’t move you will always stay where you are and if you could tell the future you would know next weeks lotto numbers.

So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.

  1. Realize that you cannot control everything.

Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or look like a fool.

But the only way to learn is to make mistakes. You weren’t born being able to walk, You tried and fell maybe hundreds of times until eventually after a lot of stumbling and holding onto things you took your first steps. Imagine if you had just sat and thought about all the reasons not to walk or were afraid to try in case you failed!

This is true of life, no one is born with the ability to do anything and a lot of the time we have to make mistakes to know the wrong way doing something before we can learn the right way.

Things that you may be looking at as a negative in a situation may have the ability to stretch you and teach you new skills ultimately allowing you to grow.

So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.

  1. Do not get lost in vague fears.

Another trap that people fall into is that they get lost in vague fears about a situation in their life. Their mind runs wild and creates disaster scenarios about what could happen if they do something.

Ask yourself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when you have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then spend a LITTLE time to think about what you can do if that pretty unlikely thing happens. But don’t get hung up on it.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could create.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes but you have to stop and make a conscious effort to do it.

  1. Ask Yourself Good questions

This is something I use a lot with my clients and it is very powerful.

If you keep saying things like “why does this always happen to me?” or “what is going to go wrong next?” your sub conscious mind is going to go and find an answer to your questions and you start to get images and made up scenarios of what could go wrong.

Your brain is a bit like Google if you ask it a question it will try to find the answer for you but if you ask the wrong question it will still try to find you answers often pointing you in totally the wrong direction.

A good question is something like “How can I stop Overthinking everything” or  “how can I make this work for me? “, or “what great things could happen if I do this?”, or “what wonderful things are going to happen to me today?” these kind of questions send your brain off looking for opportunities and positive outcomes. When you start to see these you are more likely to want to move towards them and take Acton !

Hypnosis can help you stop overthinking , you might consider one of my programs as a way of getting straight to the subconscious commitment.

If You like this website please feel free to share it with your friends by clicking on the share with Facebook or Twitter buttons below or why not sign up for my mailing list below and I’ll keep you up to date with whats happening.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

 

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness is sometimes the hardest thing to do, especially if the other perForgiveson hasn’t asked for it but it is so necessary to allow you to grow and continue with your life.

You need to realise that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person anyway. You have no power over how they feel unless they give you that power. It is you that is holding the resentment and you that it is hurting.

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to ever see the person again or communicate with them in anyway. Especially if seeing them puts you in danger of being hurt again.  

When you hold resentment in your heart about a particular event in your life you are creating an anchor that drags you back time and time againAnchor, replaying the hurt and the pain. It is stopping you developing onto the next stage in your life. Because your emotions are anchored to that one person or event.

Forgiving , means you want to let go of the toxic energy of anger, hurt and resentment and instead feel peace, calm and relaxation. At first you may miss the turmoil and circling thoughts and try to relive the pain. If this happens try to catch yourself and re-affirm “I forgive, I have let this go”

You may wonder how do I forgive? Especially when something hurts so badly or seems so downright unfair – The truth of forgiveness is that our ego is hurt and wants to be right. You are choosing to hold on and keep the argument or the pain going.

It maybe that you feel you need to learn the lesson and holding on helps to remember the pain and therefore never repeat it again. It may be you want to punish the other person, or keep the pain alive for the sake of drama or to be a martyr, or to get justice, or to be right!

While all these excuses may allow you to justify it they will never allow you to cut the anchor chain and move on with your life.

All you need to do to forgive is to recognise that you want peace in your life instead of turmoil.  Accept that you have been holding on to the pain and decide to forgive yourself first.

Acknowledge that how you have dealt with the situation in the past has been hurting you and holding you back and then make a decision to let go of the grievance.

This will free You. Chances are the other person has a completely different take on the situation anyway so no matter what you decide it will have no affect on them anyway.

If you need help, you could try my video it will allow you to release the pain of the event so you can get on with your life.

 

If you enjoyed my post please share it with your friends and like my Facebook page.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

 

 

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You Can’t Please everyone ! – 7 ways to stop trying

It’s not healthy to try to please everyone, below are a few suggestions to stop you trying.

Seeking approval from others is perfectly fine up until the point where you are compromising your health and happiness in the process.  It becomes a serious problem if you feel as though widespread positive approval from others defines who you are.

Constant approval-seeking forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas and desires.

 

So how can you stop fearing what everyone thinks of you?

1.  Get comfortable with not knowing what other people think.

Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.

How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway.  They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggeredmindreader an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking you know what they are thinking. YOU ARE NOT A MIND READER !!!!!

2.  Know that most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.

Someone once said, “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.”

Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. They are probably to wrapped up with their own inner fears and insecurities, possibly worrying about what people think of them to be thinking about you. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

3.  Accept that someone else’s opinion is none of your business.

How many times have you looked at a person and initially misjudgedWho-Cares-What-They-Think them? First impressions are important but they rarely are a true reflection of the person.  Even if they get the basic gist of who you are, they’re still missing a big piece of the puzzle.  What someone thinks of you will rarely contain the whole truth, which is fine.

The opinions other people have about you is their problem, not yours.  The less you worry about what they think of you, the less complicated your life becomes.

4.  Ask yourself, “Does what they think even matter?”

People will think what they want to think.  No matter how carefully you choose your words and mannerisms, there’s always a good chance they’ll be misinterpreted and twisted upside down by someone.  Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?  No, it doesn’t.

How others see you is not important.  How you see yourself means the world.  When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you.  Stay true to YOU.  Never be ashamed of doing what feels right.  Decide what you think is right and stick to it.

5.  See the benefit in being unique.

It’s human nature to attempt to mimic other humans, to try to fit in.  But stand-out-and-be-unique-441x269attempting to be someone else will always leave us feeling empty inside.  Why?  Because what we appreciate about the people we admire is their individuality – the qualities that make them unique.  We need to develop our own individuality, and in that way, we would actually be less like them and more like our true selves.

6.  Be fully present and aware of how you DO want to feel.

Work out how you DO want to feel right now in the present moment.  Train yourself to live right here, right now without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.

7.  Speak and live your truth.

8973311_Truth_xlarge_xlargeSpeak your truth even if your voice shakes.  Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say.  Push your concerns of what others might think aside.  Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally.

 

What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all.  And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve started behaving in a way that makes them feel they have less power over you.

Think about it.  Why be fake?

In the end, the truth usually comes out one way or the other, and when that happens, you’re standing alone if you’ve been living a lie.  So live your whole truth starting now.  If someone gives you a hard time and says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not a bad thing.  It just means you stopped living your life their way.  Don’t apologize for it.

Finally Remember “Nobody is Perfect, not even a Perfect stranger”

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

 

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Sherlock – How to Build a Mind Palace

Since the success of the BBC’s brilliant “Sherlock” series There has been a great interest in Mind Palaces.  This is the method that I was taught as NLP Master Practitioner. I use it on a daily basis to help me remember things as simple as shopping lists right up to complex presentations and training courses.

In just 15 minutes you should be able to remember 5-6 things in order, the more you practice the faster you get and the longer the list gets.

As with most psychological feats, anyone can do it if they are so inclined and practice.

Mind Palaces as Sherlock refers to them are also know as the “Method of Loci” or “Memory Palace”.

The Mind Palace has been used since ancient Rome, and is responsible for some quite incredible memory feats. Eight-time world memory champion Dominic O’Brien, for instance, was able to memorize 54 decks of cards in sequence (2808 cards), viewing each card only once!

How Do You Do It?

The great thing about the mind palace technique is that it is simple and quick to learn. In about 15 minutes You can recall a list of 6 -15 random objects.

The mind palace technique is an association technique based around “spatial mnemonics” or placing items to be remembered in specific locations (in your thoughts).

1. Choose Your Palace

You will need to pick a place that you’re very familiar with. The effectiveness of the technique relies on your ability to mentally visualise and “walk around” that place with ease. You should be able to ‘be there’ at will using your mind’s eye only. Most people (and I also recommend this) start by using their own home (you can choose a different place, expand this one location or design your own once you get the hang of this technique). As you get better you can add additional buildings. I have a street with different buildings representing different categories I want to remember a bit like different folders on a computer

2. Choose a Route

Once you have picked a location that you can visually clearly (it doesn’t need to be as clear or clean as “real life”, but it needs to be detailed) you need to be able to define a route around your Memory Palace. 

In that route “tag” specifically defined sections where you can place information (which is why your house is so good, it has rooms in it, which are perfect sections!) 

For example, when I started this technique I chose the house I lived in as a child, so my sections were:

  1. Drive
  2. Front Garden
  3. Hall
  4. Living Room
  5. Kitchen
  6. Under Stairs
  7. Stairs
  8. Bedroom Qne
  9. Bathroom
  10. Bedroom Two
  11. Bedroom Three

Go through you chosen Mind Palace and walk around the route your have chosen, as you do break it down into manageable sections (10 or 11 is a good  to start, but it can be more or less depending on what feels comfortable).

3. Associate!

Now it is time to add the information you want to remember.

The Mind Palace technique works with the use of visual associations. The process is simple: you take a known mental location, called the “memory peg” and combine it with the element you want to memorise. For us, each memory peg is a distinctive section of our Mind Palace. Once you have got the hang of it, you can add more “pegs” by breaking each section down into specific feature (for example you could break your lounge down into specific pieces of furniture: sofa, coffee table, television, etc), or adding more sections or locations.

I found to begin with adding 2 items to remember in each room was ideal. If you do this, decide how you are going to look around the room (to make sure that you do not transpose the information in that section), so always scan the section left to right for example.

To really imprint your items that you want to remember you need to make the image crazy, huge, ridiculous, silly, funny and totally over the top. Make it unique and exciting, if it is boring you are doing to “wrong” and it probably won’t work for you.

So, say you want to remember 20 things on your shopping list:

Transport yourself to your Mind Palace and walk around it a couple of times to familiarize yourself with it “empty” (this is particularly important if you use it regularly to make sure you have removed the other associations), then you want to start adding each item on your list to a section of the Palace (so, with 20 items, in this case, you need to add two items to each section).

So, say the first thing your list is bacon, you place that in the first section of your Memory Palace (which, in my place would be my drive), but don’t just plonk a packet of bacon there, make it crazy and memorable. So what could you do to make it memorable for you? Maybe a frying pan cooking bacon? Or a big cartoon pig? Whatever works for you.

Once you have the image firmly in place, move to the next item on the list and do the same.

Get the idea?

Go through the list as many times as it takes to get the images locked in place, so you can walk through your Memory Palace and recall each item easily with just one stroll (very quickly, with practice, it will only take one “walk through”).

And there we have it, 3 simple steps to create a mind palace that you can use to remember information.

You can use it to store short term information, such as a shopping list or the contents of training or talk your giving, or you can use it to store longer term information such as passwords or PINS.

4. Just a Few Final Hints

  • Visit your Mind Palace regularly to keep the image clear in your mind, mentally walk the route on a regular basis (especially if you are using it to store long-term information)
  • Use it! Use it every day to recall simple pieces of information, the more you practice the better you will get and the faster you will get there.
  • If you intend to use a Memory Palace to store longer term information, it may be worth using a different palace for the this purpose or a section of your main palace that you only visit to for this information
  • Relax! Over thinking your memory palace will actually make it harder to store and recall information.

So there we have it, a simple, yet incredibly effective way of memorising a lot of information, maybe you are study for exams at the moment? If you are you can use this to memorise and recall all the information you need.

If You like this website please feel free to share it with your friends by clicking on the share with Facebook or Twitter buttons below or why not sign up for my mailing list and I’ll keep you up to date with what’s happening.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock

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Improve Any Relationship

All relationships are based on how you communicate with our partners, family and other people and lets face it, we all, myself included, could be a lot better at this. By improving how you communicate with other people you will improve relationships, build rapport and gain a deeper level of understanding about how they feel. NLP can be used to enhance and improve this.

By paying more attention to what people are saying both verbally and non-verbally, not just in their words or actions, but also by the underlying message in their communication you will build a greater understanding and connection with the person.

Imagine you are a cameraman taking pictures with your eyes of a beautiful model, watching their every movement but also absorbing every word, imagine how special that would make the other person feel. You will focus not just on the words they use Camera20but how they use them, vocal tonality, pitch, speed and volume, as well as how they emphasise certain words, all play important factors in what is being communicated. Remember it has been said when we communicate face to face with others 93% of our message comes from our tone of voice and body language non-verbally, with only 7% coming from the words we use.

So to improve relationships make an effort to look at the person who is talking to you and actively listen to what they are saying. You will be amazed at the effect this has on the person who is talking and how much more you will understand what they are trying to say. After all good relationships are about how well we know and like the other person.

One final warning, actively listening and looking at the other person will make you more attractive to them, as a friend, partner or potential partner, so remember what outcome you want from your conversation.

If You like this website please feel free to share it with your friends by clicking on the share with Facebook or Twitter buttons below or why not sign up for my mailing list and I’ll keep you up to date with what’s happening.

Regards

Jason J Scoltock